guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
No subtext here. People are naked.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
