i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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