dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
