Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I love having hate sex.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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