He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
