The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
