You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
