Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
sick fucks of a feather flock together
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
