I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
...so i touched it.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
