Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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