I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
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we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
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Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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