the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
