i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
