Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
