I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
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I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
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Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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