you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
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