I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
