Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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