everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
