You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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