I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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