I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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