what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
