Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
So I just went to clothing optional bar
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
