you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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