A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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