We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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