Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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