your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
be right there i have to get my cape
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
