Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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