You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
