I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
