totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Randomize
