So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
