So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
