Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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