wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Randomize