I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
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Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
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oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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