I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
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