It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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