Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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