just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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