I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
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