just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
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As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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