apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
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