I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
