got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
