So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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