Cold hands, warm shart.
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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