is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
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