Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
You are the jesus of drinking
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
