it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
