Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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