My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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