Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
