I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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