sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize