I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize